Je traversais la route au marché quand j'ai aperçu un homme d'une soixantaine d'années en train de porter cette veste grise effet délavé que j'ai adoré. Je suis allé le voir et lui ai demandé si par hasard il ne souhaitait pas la vendre. Il commença à prendre ce qui était dans ses poches tout en recrachant la fumée de sa cigarette et me tendit la veste en me disant "lave la juste avant de la porter". J'ai vu dans les yeux de cette personne la volonté de me faire plaisir, la volonté de donner, votre veste est ici Monsieur, revenez, ou retournez au marché on devrait s'y croiser...
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I’M LONELY AND I ALWAYS WILL, I’M DESTINED TO BE LONELY, I’M ALONE MOST OF THE TIME, I’M ALL ALONE, JUST ME, JUST ONE, JUST ALLONE. I MEAN I’M NEVER COMPLETELY ALONE, MY DEMONS ARE ALWAYS WITH ME BUT THEY DON’T COUNT, THEY AREN'T A COMPANY, THEY AREN’T A GOOD ONE, THEY DON’T HELP ME FEEL LOVED, THEY MAKE ME FEEL EVEN MORE ALONE. I LOVE BEING ALONE AND I HATE IT BUT I LIKE IT MORE, I LOVE GOING RIGHT WHEN I WANT TO GO RIGHT AND LEFT WHEN I WANT TO GO LEFT, NOT GOING LEFT WHEN I DON’T WANT TO GO RIGHT, I WANT TO CHOOSE HOW LEFT I WANT TO GO TOO, I JUST WANT TO BE THE ONLY ONE TO CHOSE MY DIRECTION, I DON’T CARE ABOUT BEING LOST, I’VE BEEN LOST MILLION TIMES, CAN I REALLY BE COMPLETELY LOST OR WILL I ALWAYS FIND MY WAY SOONER OR LATER ? I’M NOT SCARED OF THE MOUNTAINS, OF THE DESERT OR OF THE JUNGLE, I EXPERIENCED ALL OF THEM ALREADY, I’M NOT SCARED OF THE EXTERIOR WORLD, NOT AT ALL OR AT LEAST NOT ANYMORE, I KNOW MY SURROUNDINGS EVEN IF I DON'T KNOW THEM, I KNOW SIMILAR ONES, I ALSO KNOW THE REST. I’M LONELY, I FEEL THE DEPTH OF THE DARKNESS IN ME, I FEEL THE LONELINESS IN ME, I’M MY OWN COMPANY, I DON’T TALK, CAN’T REALLY SHARE, I SACRIFICE, I’M NOT LIVING THE LIFE I WANT TO LIVE SO I DON’T LIVE AT ALL SOMETIMES, I SUFFER, SUFFER A LOT, WHAT IF I DIED TOMORROW ? WOULD MY LIFE ONLY BE SUFFERING ? WOULD MY LIFE BE AN UNACHIEVED SUFFER ? I’M ALONE IN ME, ALONE WITH MY VALUES, ALONE TO FEEL WHAT I FEEL, PROBABLY ALONE TO FEEL WHAT I FEEL WITH THAT MUCH INTENSITY, I’M AGAINST MYSELF SOMETIMES, AGAINST ME, I MAKE ME SUFFER, I BEAT MYSELF, KILL PARTS OF ME SOMETIMES, GOOD PARTS OF ME MOST OF THE TIME, I’M AFRAID OF SOME PARTS OF MYSELF, NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING ELSE BUT AFRAID OF THE THING I LIKE THE MOST, I’M AFRAID OF WHAT GIVES ME THE MOST HAPPINESS, I’M AFRAID TO BE HAPPY, AFRAID TO FEEL JOY, AFRAID TO LET GO, AFRAID OF DEATH ALSO, I’M AFRAID OF WASTED POTENTIAL, I’M AFRAID OF BEING LEFT OUT EVEN IF ALMOST ANYBODY CAN LEAVE ME OUT ANYMORE, THEY ALMOST ALL LEFT, ALMOST ALL OF THEM, THEY DID, THEY ALL LEFT EXCEPT A VERY VERY FEW, THEY ALL LEFT, OR MAYBE IT WAS NOT EVEN LEAVING, HAVE THEY EVER BEEN HERE ? I AM ALONE, I FEEL LONELY. LONELINESS IS PROBABLY ONE OF THE WORST SUFFERING ON THIS EARTH, NOT THE PHYSICAL WORST ONE BUT THE MENTAL WORST ONE, IT PUTS YOU ON THE EDGE OF THE HOLE OF DARKNESS, YOU CAN EASILY FALL, THE FLOOR IS WET, THE FLOOR IS SLEEPY, IT’S CONSTANTLY RAINING PLUS THERE IS FOG AND WIND, A STRONG WIND AND STORMS SOMETIMES. LONELINESS IS HOLES IN THE STOMACH, ACIDITY IN THE THROAT, IT’S A SHORT HORIZON, IT’S TEARS SOMETIMES, NOT SOMETIMES IT CAN BE TEARS BUT ALMOST NEVER IS, IT’S TEARS IN THE FACE, NOT TEARS ON THE FACE, TEARS IN THE BODY, IT’S INTERNAL, IT’S CONSTANT TEARS, NOT EXTERNAL ONES, AND NOBODY IS HERE TO HELP YOU SO WHAT WOULD BE THE GOAL OF HAVING EXTERNAL TEARS ? EXTERNAL TEARS ARE A WAY OF ASKING FOR HELP, THEY’RE A WAY OF SENDING A DISTRESS SIGNAL, BUT WHAT IF NOBODY WAS HERE, WHAT IF NOBODY HEARD IT, WHAT IF NOBODY WAS HERE, WHAT IF NOBODY COULD EVEN HEAR IT ? WHAT IF YOU WERE IN A BLACK SEA AT NIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A STORM AND NOBODY COULD HEAR YOUR SIGNAL ? EVEN IF SOMEBODY DID, WOULD THEY BE ABLE TO HELP YOU, WOULD THEY BE ABLE TO WIPE THE TEARS INSIDE OF YOU, WOULD THEY BE ABLE TO STOP THE INTERNAL HEMORRHAGE ? ARE HUMANS CAPABLE OF DOING THAT ? ARE SURGEONS ABLE TO DO THIS ? IS THE BEST SURGEON ON EARTH ABLE TO STOP AN INTERNAL HEMORRHAGE ? IS THERE A SURGEON CRAZY ENOUGH TO TRY TO OPERATE A BLEEDING HEART ? AND ALSO DO SURGEONS LIKE TAKING THE SET SAIL ? CAN SURGEONS HEAR IN THE STORM, ARE THEY EVEN HERE ? ARE SURGEONS HUMANS ? ARE THEY SUPER HUMANS ? I LOVE LIFE SAVERS, I LOVE HEROES, THEY’RE HEROES. LONELINESS IS DARK, BELIEVE ME, IT’S NOT BLACK, I MEAN IT RARELY IS, BLACK IMPLIES THAT THERE WAS LIGHT BEFORE, THERE IS ALMOST NEVER LIGHT, THE LIGHT IS FAST, IT’S EPHEMERAL, THE LIGHT LASTS SECONDS OR MINUTES, RARELY HOURS AND NEVER YEAR-LIGHTS, THEY LAST THE BLINK OF AN EYE. YOUR EYES ONLY SEE BLACK DURING A FEW SECONDS AFTER YOU TURN THE LIGHT OFF AND YOU RAPIDLY START TO ONLY SEE DARKNESS AGAIN, LONELINESS ISN’T BLACK, LONELINESS IS DARK, BLACK IS TRANSITIONAL, IT’S THE ABSENCE OF LIGHT, IT’S THE DEATH OF LIGHT, LONELINESS IS DEATH ITSELF, DEATH IS DARK, DEATH IS THE ETERNAL DARKNESS, LONELINESS KILL SOULS, PEOPLE AND BODIES, IT DOES, BUT I THINK LONELINESS IS ONE OF THOSE THINGS YOU CAN’T REALLY UNDERSTAND UNTIL YOU FEEL IT, UNTIL YOU TRULY FEEL IT IN YOUR HEART IF YOU STILL HAVE ONE, LONELINESS IS LIKE A POISON YOU HAVE TO DRINK BECAUSE IT’S THE ONLY DRINK AVAILABLE.
LONELINESS IS NOT ALL DARK, IT’S DARK MOST OF THE TIME, ALMOST ALL THE TIME BUT SOMETIMES, A SPARK LIGHTS THE CANDLE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE CAVE, THAT’S WHY THE CAVE IS BLACK SOMETIMES, THE SPARK LIGHTENED THE CANDLE, SOMETIMES YOU HAVE LIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, SOMETIMES YOU EVEN SEE THE SKY, SEE A GLIMPSE OF THE SKY, SOMETIMES YOU FEEL THE WIND, LONELINESS IS NOT ALL DARK, SOMETIMES ITS’ POISON HAS UNKNOWN RECREATIONAL SIDE EFFECTS, LONELINESS IS NOT DARK WHEN IT REFERS TO THE DESIRE TO BE ALONE, LONELINESS IS NOT DARK WHEN THE CANDLE IS LIGHTED, IT’S DARK WHEN IT’S AN UNWANTED RESULT, EVERYTHING DEPENDS ON YOUR INTENTION TO BE ALONE OR NOT, I LOVE INTENTIONS, INTENTIONS ARE EVERYTHING, INTENTIONS ARE LIFE, INTENTIONS ARE PURE, I LOVE INTENTIONS. LONELINESS IS DARKNESS WHEN YOU DON’T WORK, WHEN YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE CREATIVE BUT LONELINESS IS ALSO FOOD FOR INSPIRATION, THIS DOESN’T MEAN THAT INSPIRATION ONLY EATS LONELINESS, IT ALSO EATS ELEGANCE, BEAUTY AND CARELESSNESS FOR EXAMPLE BUT LONELINESS IS A SOURCE OF PROTEINS FOR INSPIRATION, THIS DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE A CANDLELIGHT DINER EVERYDAY, THIS DOESN’T MEAN THAT DARKNESS IS LIGHT NOW, IT DOESN’T EVEN MEAN THAT THE DARK ISN’T DARK ANYMORE OR THAT THE CANDLE IS INFINITE, IT MEANS THAT FOR A MOMENT, THE BRIGHTNESS OF THE LIGHT MAKES YOU FORGET YOU ARE IN THAT CAVE, THE LIGHT MAKES YOU FORGET THE DARKNESS, THE DARK IS A LITTLE BIT LESS DARK, A TINNY BIT, DURING A FEW SECONDS, A FEW MINUTES OR A FEW HOURS SOMETIMES AND YOU TRY TO PROTECT THIS FLAME AS MUCH AS YOU CAN, YOU PUT YOUR HANDS AROUND IT, YOU BUILD REMPARTS AND DIGUES AS IF YOU WANTED TO LIVE IN THE LIGHT FOREVER BUT YOU CAN’T HELP IT, SOONER OR LATER THE WATER WILL FILL THE BOTTOM OF THE CAVE, SOONER OR LATER THE WIND WILL BLOW THE CANDLE, OR THE CANDLE WILL BE COMPLETELY CONSUMED AND YOU WILL BE BACK IN THE DARK, IT WILL BE BLACK FIRST, AND YOU WILL RAPIDLY BE BACK IN THE DARK, INTO A DEEP DARKNESS AND THEN INTO DARKNESS, AGAIN, DARKNESS AGAIN, NO MORE LIGHT, A DARK CAVE, DARKNESS AGAIN UNTIL THE NEXT SPARK AND THE BAD PART OF LONELINESS WILL BE BACK AGAIN, I MEAN LONELINESS WILL BE BACK AGAIN.
INSPIRATION MAKES YOU FLY, FLY IN THE SKY, THE SKY IS BLUE AS IF THE MIX OF DARKNESS AND LIGHT MADE BLUE, AS IF THE MIX OF BLACK AND WHITE MADE BLUE, NOT GRAY BUT BLUE, A LIGHT BLUE, JUST BLUE, BLUE IS LIFE, DARKNESS IS NOT, INSPIRATION IS BEING IN THE BLUE, IT’S BEING IN THE WHITE, FLYING IN THE WHITE, INSPIRATION IS DEPLOYING YOUR WINGS TO SEEK THE PURENESS OF THE LIGHT, TO SEEK FOR IT, NOT LIKE ICARE, YOU DIDN’T BUILD THOSE WINGS, THEY WERE GIVEN TO YOU, MADE FOR YOU NOT MADE BY YOU, THAT’S WHY THEY’RE THAT PERFECT, THAT’S WHY THEY WILL CARRY YOU THIS FAR, THOSE WINGS ARE A PIECE OF ART, ART IS LIFE, ART IS AND WILL FOREVER BE, ART IS EXPRESSION, I LOVE ART, ALL ARTS, I LIKE ARTISTS TOO, ARTISTS WHO DON’T THINK THEY ARE ONES, ARTISTS WHO LIVE DAY BY DAY AND WHO DON’T KNOW HOW THEY GONNA LIVE. ARTISTS DON’T REALLY KNOW HOW TO LIVE IN THE END, THEY MIX COLORS, DRINK SUBSTANCES, COOK MAGIC, GARDEN IDEAS, WATCH BOOKS AND READ TV’S, THEY PAINT MOVEMENT BUT ALSO DEATH, THEY LISTEN TO THE SILENCE, THEY HEAR THE SILENCE, THEY DON’T HEAR OR LISTEN TO THE MUSIC, THEY FEEL THE MUSIC, THEY EAT MUSIC, THEY LIVE THANKS TO MUSIC, ARTISTS DON’T REALLY KNOW WHAT THEY’RE GOING TO DO BUT EXACTLY KNOW AT THE SAME TIME, THEY DON’T REALLY KNOW WHAT THEY LISTEN TO INSIDE OF THEM BUT LITERALLY LISTEN TO ANY SINGLE WORD THEY HEAR, TO ANY SYLLABLE, THEY’RE PARTIALLY LOST AND MOST OF THE TIME NOT COMPLETELY FOUND, THEY DEEPLY UNDERSTAND OR NOT AT ALL, THEY LIVE LIKE THIS, THEY LIVE HOW THEY WANT, HOW THEY CAN, THEY CREATE TO LIVE BUT NOT LIVE TO MAKE MONEY, REAL ARTISTS DON’T CREATE TO MAKE MONEY, THEY CREATE AS A WAY OF LIVING, THEY CREATE TO SURVIVE AND THEN MAKE MONEY AT THE SAME TIME SO THEY MAKE MONEY BY LIVING NOT LIVE TO MAKE MONEY, THEY CREATE AS A WAY OF LIVING BUT ALSO AS A WAY OF EARNING A LIVING, MONEY COMES AFTER, IT IS NOT THEIR INITIAL INTENTION, I LOVE INTENTIONS, I REALLY DO, ARTISTS LEAVE IF THEY WANT, LIVE IN ANY PLACE AND ALL AT THE SAME TIME, THEY KNOW HOW TO SURVIVE IF NEEDED BUT THEY LIVE FOR THEIR ART, FOR THEIR HEART, THEY CAN’T LEAVE IT OR LIVE WITHOUT IT. THEY’RE ALWAYS HERE AND SOMEWHERE ELSE, LOST AND FOUND, SOMETIMES LOST COMPLETELY BUT ALWAYS FIND BACK THEMSELVES IN THAT LOST PLACE SO THEY NEVER ARE REALLY LOST, THEY CAN HAVE BEEN LOST AT SOME POINTS IN THEIR LIVES, DURING A FEW YEARS BUT THEY WEREN’T 100% ARTISTS YET, THEY WERE ARTISTS IN THE MAKING. NOW THEY CAN ONLY BE FOUND IN LOST PLACES, FOUND IN THE WILD, THEY ESCAPE BEING FOUND, THEY WANT TO BE LOST, THEY WANT THE WILD, THE WILD IS WHERE NOBODY WENT BEFORE OR SOMEWHERE THAT NOBODY CHANGED, THE WILD IS NATURAL, NATURE IS VULNERABLE, SO AS LOST PEOPLE, THEY HAVE NO DENS, THEY KNOW NOTHING, I MEAN EXCEPT THEMSELVES AND THEY KNOW THAT THEY KNOW NOTHING, ARTISTS TRY TO KNOW THEMSELVES, AT LEAST TRY TO LISTEN TO THEMSELVES TO PRODUCE THEIR ART, NO MATTER WHERE THEY ARE, FOUND OR LOST, THEY TRY TO FIND INSIDE OF THEM, ARTISTS ARE RESEARCHERS, THEY TRY, TRY TO FIND, THEY LOOK FOR STUFF, WHICH STUFF ? WHO KNOWS ? MOST OF THE TIME THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW THEMSELVES BUT THEY LOOK, THEY LOOK AROUND, THEY LIFT ROCKS AND SMELL SUBSTANCES, TASTE PLANTS, RUB ROCKS, THEY MAKE MISTAKES TOO, A LOT OF MISTAKES, THEY MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES BUT NOT ERRORS, MISTAKES ARE GOOD, MISTAKING IS TRYING, ERRORS ARE BAD, ERRORS KILL, ARTISTS DON’T KILL, THEY BRIGHTEN LIFE, MAKE LIFE EASIER OR HELP FORGET THE DARKNESS OF LIFE, THEY USE THEIR DARKNESS TO BRIGHTEN OTHERS’ LIGHT, THEY USE DARKNESS TO MAKE LIGHT, THEY USE THEIR HANDS TO CREATE SPARKS, THEY SEND SPARKS, THEY LIVE IN THE DARK TO GIVE PEOPLE LIGHT, THEY HOLD LIGHT, LEAD PATHS AND LIGHTEN THEM AT THE SAME TIME. DARKNESS IS AT THE ORIGIN OF LIFE, LIFE EXISTS BECAUSE DARKNESS DOES, BEING LONELY IS ALSO BEING ALIVE, SOME ARTISTS SUCCEED IN LIGHTNING SPARKS, OTHER DON’T, SOME ARTISTS HAVE A LOT OF CANDLES OR CAN BUY A LOT OF CANDLES, OTHERS JUST HAVE ONE, SOME ARTISTS WANT TO MAKE EVERYTHING BY THEMSELVES INCLUDING THE CANDLES, OTHERS MASTER THE ART OF CREATING SPARKS OR OF PROTECTING THE FLAME. ARE ARTISTS ZEUS ? OR ARE THEY PLENTY OF MINI ZEUS ? ARE ARTISTS MINI ZEUS ? CAN SPARK CREATE NOT ONLY LIGHT BUT ALSO LIGHTENING ? CAN SPARKS CREATE THUNDERBOLTS ? I LOVE BOLT, I LOVE ARTISTS, I REALLY DO, THEY FASCINATE ME, THEY HAVE A UNIVERSE, I LOVE UNIVERSES, THEY HAVE STORIES TO TELL, RISKS THEY TOOK, I LOVE RISKY STORIES, IT’S NOT ABOUT THE UNIVERSE ITSELF, IT’S ABOUT HAVING ONE, IT’S ABOUT THE WAY YOU SPEAK ABOUT YOUR UNIVERSE, THE WAY YOU LIVE FOR IT, ARTISTS FASCINATE ME, SO AS STARS, THE FACT THAT THEY ARE SO FAR, SO UNREACHABLE, SO LIGHT FULL, THE FACT THAT THEY EMBODY MY EMOTIONS AT THEIR PUREST FASCINATES ME, ARTISTS TRANSCEND ME, THEY TRANSCEND SO AS THEIR ART. BOTH ARE THE OPIUM OF THE PEOPLE, THEY AREN’T A DRUG, THEY HAVE NO SIDE EFFECTS, ARTISTS CREATE SPARKS AND THUNDERBOLTS, THEY DON’T CREATE THUNDER, STORMS AND RAIN, THEY AREN’T THE FULL PACKAGE, JUST HALF OF IT, JUST THE GOOD PART OF IT.
I LIKE EXCITEMENT, I LIKE HOPE, I LIKE LOVE, I LOVE LIGHT WHEN LIGHT IS DEFINED AS IDEAS, A LOT MORE THAN DARKNESS OF COURSE, BUT I HAVE A LOT MORE THINGS TO SAY ABOUT DARKNESS, ALSO DARKNESS FASCINATES ME, LIKE ARTISTS, DARKNESS SCARES ME BUT INTRIGUES ME A LOT MORE THAN LIGHT DOES, LIGHT IS PURE, THERE’S NO RISK, THERE’S NOTHING UNKNOWN, NOTHING HIDDEN, NOTHING TO DISCOVER, LIGHT IS STILL, I LOVE LIGHT BUT DON’T HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT IT, ALL LIGHTS ARE ALMOST THE SAME, THEY SHINE, THEY ENLIGHTEN, THEY ILLUMINATE, THEY ARE WETHER WHITE OR YELLOW, RARELY RED OR ORANGE AND ALMOST NEVER PURPLE OR DARK GREEN, BUT THE DARKNESS IS FULL OF COLORS, FULL OF DIFFERENT SHADES, FULL OF HUES THE HUMAN EYE CAN’T EVEN SEE.
(IN THIS TEXT I TALKED ABOUT DARKNESS, OF COURSE IT’S A “CONTROLLED” DARKNESS NOT A PURE TOO DEEP ONE, THE LATTER KIND OF DARKNESS IS TOUGH, IT REALLY IS, THIS KIND OF DARKNESS CAN BE DEADLY. I LIKE RISKS BUT WOULDN’T RISK IT BY MYSELF, WOULDN’T RISK IT ALONE, MAYBE ONE DAY IF I FIND MY TWIN FLAME, WE WOULD TRAVEL THERE AND KEEP YOU GUYS UPDATED BUT BE CAREFUL WITH THE KIND OF DARKNESS YOU PLAY WITH. TAKE CARE).
(other texts on the first 5 articles)